Okay
by gm13lumos
Summary: In the end, all they want to be is okay. Bellarke.


A/N: The story picks up where 5x5, Shifting Sands, ends. Hope you enjoy my take on what comes next! Bellarke.

* * *

It wasn't the kiss that bothered Clarke. I mean it was, seeing Bellamy kiss someone else made her heart squeeze. But it was the look on Echo's face when Bellamy rested his forehead against hers. The love that shone out of her eyes and Bellamy's small breath that he let out when they touched? That caused her heart to ache in a way that she hadn't felt in six years.

"Are you okay?" Madi asked, disrupting her thoughts.

Clarke forced her attention away from Bellamy and Echo and to her daughter. "I'm fine, are YOU okay?"

"I wasn't the one taken hostage by crazy people," Madi replied. "I'm fine."

Before Clarke could answer, she heard Octavia shout. Suddenly Wonkru warriors were surrounding Bellamy and Echo, guns raised.

"Explain yourself big brother," Octavia ordered, standing but leaning heavily on one of her men. "What the hell is she doing here?"

"O, listen to me," Bellamy said, keeping one hand on Echo but turning towards his sister. "She is with me."

"I can see that," Octavia shot back. "My question is why. She's supposed to be dead. That's certainly how she left me."

"She helped us get to space," Bellamy explained, giving his sister a pleading look. "She's changed."

Octavia's answer was cut off my Indra rasping for air.

"We move out now," Octavia ordered. "Leave my brother and his...friend for now."

Wonkru dropped their weapons and moved away. Echo dropped her head to Bellamy's chest. When she did, Bellamy looked over Echo's shoulder and tried to catch Clarke's eye. Clarke could feel his eyes on her but she stared down at Madi instead.

"You left that out of your story," Madi said, giving Clarke a curious look.

"Things changed while they were there," Clarke replied, unconsciously rubbing her chest as if it would help relieve the pain there. "They changed."

Madi seemed to have more questions but decided against it as Harper and Monty approached.

"Hi," Monty said, his tone betraying his uncertainty of what to do.

"Hi," Clarke replied before throwing her arms around he and Harper. "I missed you guys so much."

"We missed you," Harper murmured. "Thank you for saving our lives."

"What she said," Monty said.

The three broke apart and Madi slid her hand into Clarke's.

"We should head back," Bellamy said, still standing beside Echo. "Stick with Wonkru until we can figure out something else. Until we can figure out how to get Raven and Murphy back."

Bellamy looked at Clarke, seemingly searching for confirmation. Madi squeezed Clarke's hand.

"Yeah let's go," Clarke said, not meeting Bellamy's gaze. "I'll drive."

At that, Clarke and Madi walked over to the rover. Clarke jumped into the driver's seat while Madi got into the passenger's seat. Clarke started the rover and waited for the others to pile into the back. Once they were inside, Clarke drove slowly behind Wonkru. Madi chatted with Harper and Monty, with Bellamy chiming in every once in a while but Clarke stayed silent. She simply stared ahead, watching the caravan in front of her. When they arrived back at Polis, Clarke parked the rover and jumped out right away.

"Come on Madi, let's get to work," she said.

"What can we do?" Bellamy asked.

"We can handle it," Clarke replied, her tone brisk. "You can do whatever you need to do."

Clarke walked away before Bellamy could answer, Madi shrugging her shoulders to the group but following Clarke.

For the next 48 hours, Clarke spent every waking minute working. Whether it was tending to the injured members of Wonkru or going through lessons with Madi, she managed to avoid all contact with Bellamy. She had seen him of course, with Octavia, with the others. But they hadn't spoken a word to one another. That is until he cornered her in the building she had set up as a hospital.

"You're avoiding me," came the familiar voice from behind her.

Clarke felt her heart clench just knowing it was him and they were alone.

"I've been busy," she replied without turning around.

"Yeah, I've seen," he said, his footsteps echoing through the empty building as he walked toward her. "Very busy interacting with everyone but me."

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Clarke answered, still keeping her back to him but sensing, even after six years, that he was close to her.

"Clarke." He said, now directly behind her.

When she didn't turn, he placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her so she was facing him. She stared down at the ground.

"Clarke," he repeated, his voice quieter now. "What did I do?"

With a sigh, Clarke lifted her head and looked up at Bellamy. She resisted the urge to reach up and touch his face. The face that she had drawn a hundred times. The face she was terrified she would forget.

"You didn't do anything," Clarke relented. "I just needed to focus on my patients and Madi. That's all."

"Is this about Echo?" Bellamy asked, the hesitation clear in his voice.

Clarke paused for a moment before answering. "I just don't understand," Clarke answered honestly. "She tried to kill your sister, if memory serves. She would have killed any one of us if Roan told her to. She would have killed..."

Clarke swallowed her last word but it hung there between them. Me. Clarke almost said. She would have killed me.

"She's not that person now," Bellamy said after a moment. "We...understand each other. She helped me when I..."

"Okay," Clarke said, after Bellamy didn't finish his sentence. "I should go."

"Clarke, please, don't walk away from me," Bellamy called as Clarke hurried out of the building.

Clarke moved quickly through the familiar streets, not stopping until she reached the rover parked at the outskirts. Madi was sitting on the front of the rover, talking to Monty and Harper. Clarke wiped away the tears she didn't realize had fallen, smiling as she approached to hear the pair telling Madi a story.

"No way you did that!" Madi said, looking dubiously at them.

"Would we lie to you?" Harper asked her, a grin on her face.

"Absolutely," Clarke answered, drawing their attention to her.

Monty and Harper laughed in response.

"Mom's here so that's our cue," Monty said, taking Harper's hand in his. "See you later!"

"Thanks for keeping an eye on her," Clarke replied, smiling as they walked away. Clarke walked over to the rover and took the open spot next to Madi on the hood.

"Bellamy came looking for you," Madi told her. "I told him where to go. Did he find you?"

"Yes he did," Clarke said, putting her arm around Madi and giving her a squeeze.

"You two don't talk as much as I thought you would," Madi pointed out. "Why is that? I thought he was your best friend."

"It's not so simple, Madi," Clarke replied after a beat. "Let's go to bed."

Madi huffed but slid off the rover and crawled into the back. Clarke sat next to her, stroking her hair.

The next day, Madi was especially antsy and unfocused.

"Let's go see what Harper and Monty are doing," Clarke suggested, smiling as Madi's eyes lit up.

They walked together toward the small building Monty was using to do...whatever it was Monty did. They entered the room to find Monty and Harper standing behind an elaborate set up of tubes.

"Dare I ask?" Clarke said, unable to keep the grin off of her face.

"Just filtering water," Harper replied with a laugh. "Nothing too crazy."

Madi and Clarke stayed in the building as Clarke caught up with her two friends until a loud shout drew their attention outside.

"I'll go see what's going on," Clarke said, placing a hand on Madi's shoulder. "Madi, you stay here."

"We'll keep an eye on her," Monty promised.

Clarke nodded in response and walked quickly out the door. She moved toward the center of Polis where she saw Octavia standing on a high pile of rubble addressing the crowd.

"Now that we are all restored to full strength, we will move for the valley again," Octavia proclaimed. "We will take a longer route but one that will likely be safer. It will also allow us to approach the enemy from multiple sides to ensure our victory. You have ten minutes to prepare. Move."

The crowd of people dispersed and Clarke watched as Octavia approached Echo. To Clarke's surprise, Octavia placed a hand on Echo's shoulder and Echo said something to Octavia. Octavia nodded back and Echo fell in line behind Octavia with Indra close by. It was then that Clarke noticed that Bellamy was nowhere to be found. Knowing that Madi was safe with her friends, she began walking through Polis, searching for him. She had no luck until she ran directly into Echo.

"Echo," Clarke greeted her.

"Clarke," Echo responded.

"It seems Octavia has warmed up to you," Clarke said, when Echo made no move to walk away from her.

"We came to an understanding," Echo replied, cryptically. "My skill set is useful to her."

"I see," Clarke replied. "Well I'm glad. I'm sure Bellamy is happy that you and his sister are able to get along."

"Bellamy and I don't see eye to eye on this," Echo told her, her face revealing nothing. "He doesn't understand."

Clarke went to answer but stopped when she realized that, Echo didn't look the way she did when she was standing with Bellamy just a few days before. Now she looked every inch the warrior she had been six years before, Clarke realized, and that was terrifying.

"If you're looking for him, I saw him sitting by the entrance to the bunker yesterday," Echo said, her face completely blank.

"Yesterday?" Clarke repeated bewildered. "You haven't seen him since?"

"No," Echo replied, evenly. "If you'll excuse me."

Echo turned then and walked toward the group that was forming near Octavia. Clarke watched her walk away only for a moment before walking in the opposite direction toward the bunker. Seconds later she arrived at the base of the small mountain of rock but didn't see Bellamy. Deciding she could see better from the top, she climbed up the rock. When she got to the top, she saw him. He was sitting with his legs dangling into the opening of the bunker. Cautiously, Clarke moved toward him and, when he didn't move, sat down next to him. She looked at him but he stared into the bunker as if she wasn't even there. It was Bellamy though who broke the silence.

"What do you want?" His voice rough with emotion.

"I talked to Echo," Clarke replied, her voice calm and steady.

When Bellamy didn't say anything, she continued. "I'm sorry, Bellamy."

Her apology drew his head up and suddenly he was staring at her.

"You're sorry?" He repeated, anger now coloring his voice. "What are you sorry for, Clarke? For Echo? For O? For pulling away from me days after I finally got you back?"

He suddenly got to his feet and walked away from her. Determined, Clarke jumped to her feet and followed him. As they walked, she noticed that Wonkru looked about ready to leave. She knew the route, she thought. They could follow at a distance. Focusing on Bellamy, she followed him until he reached the edge of Polis. He stopped abruptly and she nearly ran into him. When he didn't turn around, Clarke moved around him and placed herself directly in front of him. But when she looked at his face, she saw not anger but grief. Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around him, burying her face into his shoulder. What felt like an eternity later, he banded his arms around her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, over and over. "I'm so sorry."

When Bellamy relaxed his grip, Clarke pulled back, staring at his face.

"We should go," Bellamy said, moving to turn away but Clarke grabbed his arm.

"Talk to me," she pleaded. "Please, Bellamy."

"Now you want to talk?" He shot back, his anger resurfacing. "You haven't wanted to talk to me for days and NOW you want to talk?"

"Yes," Clarke said, giving into her instinct and putting her hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at her. "I am sorry I pushed you away but yes, now I want to talk. Let's talk."

"Fine, talk," Bellamy answered, staring down at her. "Why were you avoiding me?"

Clarke pulled her hand away from his face and took a few steps back, putting some space between them.

"Everything is different," Clarke told him, looking down at the ground. "You all came back as a family and I was...unprepared for how much things had changed. But I'm glad that you're together."

"Clarke," Bellamy said, his voice softer now. "I left you behind. You should have been there with us, I'm sor-"

"No," Clarke cut him off, a fierce look on her face. "Don't you dare apologize for that. You did exactly what I asked you to do. And you moved on, you made a life. I'm glad"

"Moved on?" Bellamy repeated, looking at her incredulously. "We never moved on. I never moved on. Clarke, I thought of you every day for six years. I mourned you every day for six years. Everything I did, I had your words echoing in my mind. Head and heart. I never moved on. I don't think I ever could."

Clarke could feel her heart squeezing again and she knew that she had tears in her eyes. So she asked the question she had been dreading. "What about Echo?"

"She...she helped me," Bellamy said, running a hand through his hair. "She's just like us, Clarke. She did what she had to in order to survive. She's done some terrible things but she isn't a bad person. She was different on the Ark than she was on the ground. But now..."

"But now?" Clarke encouraged when he trailed off.

"Now she's changed again," Bellamy answered. "We've been here barely a week and she's already changed back into the warrior."

"She's fighting alongside Octavia," Clarke commented.

"Yeah, yeah she is," Bellamy replied. "She went directly to O and offered to be for O what she'd been to Roan. O initially said no but after they fought, O changed her mind. Echo swore allegiance to Wonkru and that was that. All without ever saying a word about it to me."

"I'm sorry," Clarke offered. "I know you cared about her."

"I promised her nothing would change when we got to the ground," he scoffed. "She didn't make the same promise. She left me. It's what people close to me do."

"I'm still here," Clarke said, taking a cautious step forward.

"Now you are, sure," Bellamy said with a shrug. "But just yesterday you avoided me at every turn. And I still don't understand why you wouldn't just talk to me. Don't you understand? That's all I want. I just want you to talk to me."

" I talked to you every single day," Clarke felt the words explode out of her. "Bellamy, I talked to you every single day you were gone. You asked me how I survived when I was alone? You. Talking to you saved me. I'd tell you about my day, ask you for advice. As long as I had that radio, I had you with me and I knew I would be okay."

"You radioed me?" Bellamy said, stunned. "We couldn't ever get the comms working, I didn't-"

"It's okay," Clarke said, cutting him off. "I just need you to understand. I'm always going to want to talk to you. I WILL always talk to you. I'm sorry I haven't been I just couldn't stand knowing you were with..."

Clarke cut herself off and stared down at the ground. But Bellamy took a step towards her.

"Say what you were going to say," he demanded. "What were you going to say?"

"It's nothing, I'm sorry, I promise I won't stop talking to you, just -"

"Clarke," he cut her off, his voice wavering enough that she forced herself to look at him. "What were you going to say?"

"I couldn't stand knowing you were with Echo," she said quietly, staring into his eyes.

"Why, Clarke?" He asked, his voice lowering to match hers. "Why?"

She gave a helpless shrug, the words she had been waiting to say from the moment she saw him again caught in her throat.

"Why?" he asked again. "Tell me why."

When Clarke simply looked at him helplessly, he took another step toward her. Then another. Then another. When he was two steps from her, she held up her hand and he stopped. "Why?"

"Because when you came back, I thought you would come back to me," Clarke said, not meeting his eyes. "Next to my mom, you were the most important person in my life before Praimfiya. You stayed one of the most important people in my life even after you are gone. It wasn't even until you weren't here that I realized how I felt..."

"How do you feel?" He asked, his voice rough again. When Clarke didn't answer, he continued. "I can tell you how I feel. I can tell you how I felt like I was being stabbed through the heart when you told your mom that you loved Lexa. I can tell you how I felt when that space ship door closed and you weren't in it with me. I can tell you how I felt every day on the ring even though I thought I would never see you again. ...Clarke."

At her name, she looked up from the ground and at him. His eyes searched her face for any kind of indication of how she felt about his confession.

"Tell me how you feel," he whispered, moving so he was standing directly in front of her.

"The same way you do," she said, quietly. "You're...everything. I feel the same way you do."

As she finished speaking, Bellamy leaned down and took her lips in a passionate kiss. She threw her arms around his neck, pressing into him, as he banded one arm around her back and the other slid into her hair. They poured everything into the kiss, holding each other impossibly close. When they were both gasping for air, Bellamy pulled away but brought is forehead down to meet hers. They stood there, simply breathing. Clarke moved in and gave him another kiss before pulling back a little.

"We should go find the others," she told him. "Wonkru has probably already left."

"We should stick with them," Bellamy said with a sigh. "They're our best hope of finding Emori and Murphy and getting Raven back."

Clarke smiled at him. "My thoughts exactly."

They let go of one another and walked side by side through Polis, back toward Monty and Harper's house. When they were near the house, Bellamy stopped walking and looked at Clarke.

"Whatever comes next, we make decisions together?" he said, his tone hesitant.

"Together," Clarke agreed. "I promise."

"Okay," Bellamy replied, giving her a smile.

"Okay."


End file.
